Ask , Ask ,Ask and Ask
What actually stops you from asking?
Are you shy ?
Are you afraid of getting NO ?
Do you feel by asking what opposite person will think if you ask?
Do you know what you want to ask?
Do you lack confidence?
Do you know up to what extent you should ask?
Do you somewhere killing something by not asking?
Remember your childhood days when you used to ask your parents to get something or to grant their permission to go somewhere . Didn’t they ever say NO ? Yes , I hope many of you must have faced their NO. Now please remember what you used to do after getting their reply in NO. As far as I remember I used to insist so that I should get an answer in YES.
But what happens to us when we grow up . Do we keep pace with our same habit of insistence ? I don’t feel so. As we grow up the ego in us too grow so big that in most of the cases we consider NO as NEVER.
We have a long life to live, we have our roads , our own ups and downs . We have certain life structure since the beginning of our childhood which may shape our intensity of asking.
The basic reasons which actually stops us from asking are:
Fear of Rejection
It is one of the deepest human fears. We are fearful of being demeaned , isolated or the feeling of being alone. It also varies from person to person. Some takes rejection in an easy manner but for some it’s tough to gulp. People long to be accepted . When these fear based thoughts of rejection keep spinning in their mind they feel stressed , anxious and agitated. We avert ourselves from facing the same experiences over and over again and in the lieu of it we hold back our authentic feelings and abandon others .
But here’s a big lesson in it. Apart from all these we should not stop asking. We have to work hard upon ourselves . One single NO is not a lifetime sentence. Be your own empathetic therapist to come out of the fear of rejection. Yeah ,you allow yourself to feel sorrow , pitiful or lonely . But open your heart in front of someone who rejects. Keep asking , Keep asking .Come out of the fear of rejection . I know I am not sounding easy but this is the only way.
The less afraid of what you are feeling inside , the more confident you grow and feel less intimated by rejections.
Fear of being termed as weak
This is also one of the major reasons which generally stops us from asking . We don’t want to display ourselves as vulnerable or weak . In lieu of showing ourselves courageous or strong we build a boundary around ourselves and keep ourselves caged in that. We feel we are the strongest and we don’t need to ask anything.
Again here’s a big lesson to learn accepting your vulnerability is actually a strength. Being strong doesn’t mean you are fearless it means you know you are fearful but still moving ahead. The greatest advantage of being realizing this is that you are also free from the fear of being perfect . The strongest people are actually broken inside. So shun the fear of being weak .Keep asking , keep asking , keep asking.
Fear of what others think about us:
This is too engrossed fear in majority of population .What others think of me if I ask? This mental gymnastic is actually going in our head most of the times. We don’t want to feel embarrassed and due to which we sulk ourselves from asking and keep suffering. Actually we have been brought up in such a manner where we develop this notion of thinking what others think about us. We want to be accepted .
Here’s also a learning what people think about you is none of your business. Focus on what’s important. Sometimes self centeredness is more important than other centeredness. Also recognise that you are sometimes overthinking which is actually stopping you from asking. So keep asking, keep asking asking.
Now what to do:
Sometimes we face rejection in our love life or relationships.
Sometimes our parents reject us.
Sometimes employers and sometimes friends
Now let’s take an example . Suppose we have been rejected by an interviewer or a company or in other words we had faced a big NO from one of the employers may be due to any blah blah reason. What we feel , we feel rejected . Here’s the solution stop brooding. Keep , keep asking , keep asking .
And if the worst happens like you are thrown away or the doors are shut for you.
Please remember the following two mantras.
Firstly ,take NO as the abbreviation of NEXT OPPORTUNITY.
Secondly, Remember the SW SW SW SW mantra which actually means…..
Some will …. Some will not ….So what ……Someone else is waiting.